was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
