she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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