Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
