My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
