I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
