My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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