If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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