dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
