She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
