i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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