Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
