I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
