I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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