I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
