it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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