no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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