the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
