I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Randomize
