It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
