ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
