I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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