I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
