The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
