I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
