Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
