You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
