One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
