I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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