please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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