there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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