And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
smell my finger.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize