Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
