is your mom at the bar?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
