apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
