just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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