The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
