Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
