Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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