I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
