I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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