I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize