no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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