dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
