Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
