God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
