Where did you get a picture of my penis
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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