I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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