I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize