So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My vagina just clenched in fear
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
