Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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