i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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