addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Say something about gay babies.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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