Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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