I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
