Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
