So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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