I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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