so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
