I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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