Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize